


Never Let You Go

by secretgardenfan (minflim)



Category: Secret Garden (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Multi, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:08:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24656599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minflim/pseuds/secretgardenfan
Summary: Joo-won and Ra-Im deal with the backlash from their marriage, and Oska is there to provide some much-needed advice. Post-canon, told from Joo-won's POV.
Relationships: Kim Joo-Won/Gil Ra-Im
Kudos: 13





	Never Let You Go

It takes a while for the news of their marriage to leak out to the public, but eventually word gets out. Photos of him and Ra-Im driving together in his car and having lunch in her favourite café in Seorae Village appear in the tabloids, together with badly written gossip articles speculating about their relationship and how long it will last. The predominant public opinion seems to be that Ra-Im seduced and married him for his money and will leave him in short order once he’s disinherited, but not before she wipes him clean of his assets in the divorce settlement. The day after Joo-won signs the agreement to sell his shares in LOEL Enterprises, Ltd. and all its subsidiary companies, including the Bichang Resort that he’s worked on for the past two years, the documents are leaked to the media, and when he arrives at the office he finds himself confronting the ugly newspaper headline on his desk: “LOEL CEO loses his wealth and sanity to a no-name stuntwoman!”

Before a horrified Secretary Kim, Joo-won picks up the newspaper with the tips of his fingers and slowly, deliberately, deposits it in the dustbin next to his desk, as one would a piece of disgusting trash. He turns to stare at Kim, daring the man to comment. Kim gets the memo and hurriedly hands him the notes for their morning briefing. Joo-won opens the file and resolutely throws himself into his work. _You knew this was what it would be like,_ he tells himself. _It’ll last for a few days. Then everything will blow over and they’ll all move on._

They don’t, though. At least, not immediately. The reporters latch on to Ra-Im next, digging up old MySpace photos of her in high school and in her early jobs as a waitress. They show up at the action school and try to snag interviews with the rookies. Some idiot from the ridiculous _Hallyu Times_ tabloid even has the bright idea to run a full-page feature on Joo-won’s past girlfriends and ask them for their opinions on how long he and Ra-Im will last. An anaemic bitch with big eyes, whom he remembers dimly as the daughter of a large cosmetics company – they went on one date and, yes, had an unmemorable one-night stand the year he turned twenty-five – has the nerve to say that she thinks Joo-won must have married Ra-Im because _she looks like her._ When Joo-won reads this, he’s so furious he immediately rings up Attorney Park and tells him to sue both the woman and _Hallyu Times_ for libel. He grits his teeth in frustration and hangs up when the harassed lawyer protests that they haven’t got much of a case.

The worst happens when it finally gets out that he and his mother are no longer on speaking terms. That he’s been officially disowned and really _is_ one step away from being cut out of the family will by the President. Somehow the reporters even find out about the emergency shareholders’ meeting called by his mother all those months ago, when he was fired before being reinstated. Joo-won suspects his mother’s housekeeper, Ha-Jin, who has always hated him, for selling all these dirty family secrets to the press. His mouth twists when he sees a photo of his mother in the article, taken from a distance by a paparazzi camera as she leaves the LOEL Enterprises quarterly board meeting. He runs his thumb over the pixelated image of her face, feeling the now-familiar twist of guilt, anger and sadness in his chest. _Omma,_ he thinks. _Why did we have to come to this? Why couldn’t you have loved her too?_

When he gets home that day, Ra-Im is nowhere to be found. Usually she’s in the kitchen, making dinner for them both. He finally locates her in the library, curled up in a corner on the floor in the lengthening shadows. There’s a pile of crumpled up tissues in her lap, and her face is streaked with tears. She starts guiltily when she sees him, and tries vainly to hide the small mountain of newspapers and magazines next to her by shoving them behind his desk. Before she does, though, he spots the article on his mother and that wretched _Hallyu Times_ piece.

Joo-won crouches down in front of her and reaches for her hand. She doesn’t pull away but she doesn’t curl her fingers against his like she usually does, instead leaving her hand to rest passively in his palm. She avoids his gaze, staring fixedly at a point on the floor.

“What’s wrong, Ra-Im-sshi?” he asks gently, although he already knows. He tugs playfully on her fingers. “Didn’t I tell you that an ugly person should never cry?”

The joke falls flat, as he half-expected. She doesn’t smile, nor does she turn her head to meet his eyes. In the back of his mind Joo-won reflects with exasperation that of all the things that Ra-Im does to get under his skin, the thing that disturbs him the most is when she makes it a point not to look at him. It always makes him recall the early days of their relationship, when she kept pushing him away and pretending that he didn’t exist. When she acted as if she could carry on her life perfectly fine without him in it. Joo-won mentally kicks away the unpleasant memory and tries to focus on the situation in front of him. He nods in the direction of the poorly concealed tabloids. “Gil Ra-Im, have you spent all afternoon upsetting yourself by reading this trash? What were you thinking?”

There’s a long silence, which is ominous enough. But what Ra-Im says next chills Joo-won. “It’s not trash, though,” she mutters, still staring at the floor, her voice husky from crying. “It’s the truth.”

Joo-won starts to feel a little irritated in spite of himself. _What a ridiculous thing to say,_ he thinks indignantly. _Why is she letting these manufactured lies get to her?_ He leans forward and tries to wrap her in a hug. In his arms Ra-Im is stiff, unmoving. He lets go of her and gives her an impatient little shake. “Woman, you know the things they write aren’t true! I love you and I’ve chosen to be with you. We’ve chosen to be with each other. It doesn’t matter what they say.”

Ra-Im finally looks up at him then, and he’s stunned to see how upset she looks, how bleak the expression in her eyes is. “It’s not just hearsay, though, is it?” she asks challengingly, and this time he’s the one who has to look away. “I didn’t know you had to sell your company shares. You’ve been working so hard on the resort, and she made you give it all up! And I didn’t know your grandfather has been seeing his lawyers about the will.” Her shoulders droop, and Joo-won feels his heart contract painfully. If only he could spare her this. “It’s coming true,” he hears her whisper brokenly. “Everything your mother said. I’m destroying your life. Soon you’ll lose everything because of me. And then you’ll hate me for it.”

Truly alarmed now, Joo-won grabs her and holds her close, hanging tightly on when she tries to pull away. He cups his hand around the back of her head, stroking her in the way he knows she likes. “What’s gotten into you?” he asks. “Why are you saying such things?”

He hears her take a long, shuddering breath. “Do you remember when you told me that people like you and U-yeong and Yoon Seul-sshi live with your whole lives on display? That the whole world is watching you?” He frowns, not seeing where she’s going with this. Ra-Im draws back and looks up at him, squarely. “That’s not me,” she says simply, with her trademark brutal honesty. “I’m not used to it. No one ever scrutinised my life before, or the lives of anyone I cared about. I don’t like living with the whole world watching us.”

Joo-won feels as if she’s slapped him in the face. Her words feel like a rejection of him and their relationship, an unjust additional punishment on top of what’s he’s already going through. It feels as if she’s putting all the blame on him, for something that’s not even his fault. Wouldn’t he have fixed it by now if he could? His arms drop and he feels his expression harden. When he speaks, his words and his voice are harsher than he intends. “Well then, maybe you should have given that some thought before you agreed to this marriage.”

Ra-Im flinches, and he knows he’s hurt her. Again. Before he can make up for it, though, he hears her say coldly in response, “You’re right, maybe I should have. Then I wouldn’t have to live forever with this burden of guilt and inadequacy.”

Even if he acknowledges that they might be true, the words sound horrible coming out of her mouth. He can tell from Ra-Im’s face that she immediately regrets it, but she doesn’t make any move to apologise. In any case, the damage has been done. Joo-won stands up and leaves without another word.

********

He spends a long time pacing outside in the frosty garden, trying to hold it together. It’s their first real fight in the two months since they were married, and he hears her words repeatedly echoing in his mind with devastating clarity: _“you’ll hate me for it… I don’t like living with the whole world watching us… this burden of guilt and inadequacy…”_

Joo-won sinks onto a bench and covers his face with his hands. He thinks back to the last time he felt this way, when he’d shown up at her apartment to give her the pin he’d made for her and she’d all but thrown his feelings back in his face. He hadn’t wanted to believe it then, and he tells himself he doesn’t believe it now. He tries to focus on the good things they have together – Ra-Im’s sleepy smile when she wakes up next to him in the morning; her collection of colourful hoodies, arranged neatly in his closet; the scent of her skin and the sound of her moans when she arches under him in their bed. Recalling these memories steadies him, and Joo-won sighs shakily. He looks towards their home, where the lights are still dark. Making a decision, he heads in the opposite direction towards U-yeong’s studio.

His cousin is at his grand piano, singing a surprisingly tuneful melody. It’s a sad, haunting song about a lost love, and suddenly Joo-won feels close to breaking down. “Hyung.”

U-yeong looks up, and when he sees Joo-won’s face his expression changes immediately to one of concern. “Kim Joo-won, are you all right? What’s happened?”

Joo-won sinks down heavily on the sofa and stares unseeingly at the flower display on the coffee table. “Ra-Im’s been reading the tabloids and gossip columns. She found out about the LOEL shares and Grandfather’s will.”

U-yeong hurries over. “And? So? What did she say?”

Joo-won bites his lip, digging his hands deep into the pockets of his tracksuit. “She said she should have thought twice before marrying me because all this makes her feel guilty and inadequate. And that she’s causing me to lose everything, and eventually I’ll hate her for it. Hyung,” he says then, hearing his voice crack, “Is she saying that she’s going to leave me?”

U-yeong has been looking troubled, but at this his head snaps up. “Hey, Kim Joo-won!” he exclaims, so loudly Joo-won is taken aback. “How can you think that! That woman is crazy about you! Even when you had no idea who she was, she still loved you. She never gave up on you despite how nasty you were to her, you ridiculous punk! Why would she leave you now after the two of you have been through so much together?”

Joo-won feels slightly comforted by U-yeong’s vehemence. “You don’t think she’s now feeling like she’s made a mistake?”

U-yeong shakes his head, a little more slowly now. He seems to be deliberating whether or not to say something. Finally, he ventures, “Seul told me this a while ago. She said one day she was at the Star Gallery when she found Ra-Im wandering around, crying. This was before the accident, when she’d just found out that she’d passed the audition. Seul took Ra-Im out to walk around and calm her down, and Ra-Im told her she sometimes feels like she can never bridge the gap between you two. That she feels as if she’ll never be good enough for you.”

Joo-won sighs. “That’s not true.”

U-yeong scoffs. “Of course, but who knows what goes on in women’s minds? They all seem to get hurt easily. Anyway, Seul told Ra-Im the problem has never been with you two. It’s always been external circumstances and other people getting in the way. She said she told Ra-Im that the harder things get, the more tightly she should cling on to you.”

Joo-won looks at his cousin, wondering how all this is of any help to him. “So? What should I do? Does Seul have any ideas for me?”

U-yeong groans in exasperation and punches him on the arm. “You dummy! You have to remind Ra-Im what Seul said! And remember it yourself! That you two are not the problem, other people are. So, just ignore them, and be happy.”

At that moment Joo-won’s phone pings with an incoming message. When he pulls it out, he sees that it’s from Ra-Im. “I’m sorry,” the message reads. “Please come home. It’s cold outside and I miss you. Please, I’m so sorry.” He stares at the words for a long time, feeling his heart squeeze with a relief so intense that it feels painful. _It’s not over. I haven’t lost her._

U-yeong has been watching him intently, and he smiles when Joo-won finally looks up. “Go on then,” he tells Joo-won kindly. “Remind her what Seul said.” He nudges Joo-won mischievously and grins. “Besides, she’ll forgive you anything if you give her some good make-up sex. Trust me, I’m an expert in that area.”

Joo-won finally smiles a little then, the first time he’s smiled all day. “You know, hyung, you may be a bad singer, but you’re quite a good counsellor.”

*********

When he returns, Ra-Im is waiting for him in the living room with the lights on. Before he can say a word, she throws himself into his arms. He feels her body shaking with sobs. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she cries. “Please don’t go. I didn’t mean it.”

Joo-won sighs, wrapping his arms tightly around her and holding the warm weight of her close. Unlike earlier, she burrows against his body, burying her wet face in his chest. He feels her hands fist in his coat, as if she can’t bear the thought of letting him go. He rests the side of his face against the top of her head. “It’s all right, Ra-Im-ah. I’m not going anywhere.”

For some reason, his words make her cry harder. Bewildered, Joo-won eases her a little away from him and looks down into her face. Her big round eyes are swimming with tears, and her mouth is trembling. He gently cups her cheek. “Don’t cry, darling,” he tells her tenderly. “I’m sorry that you had to read those things. Please believe me when I say that it doesn’t matter to me, everything that they say. You’re the one that I want. At the end of the day, company shares and my inheritance don’t matter at all if it means I have to lose you.”

Ra-Im presses her lips together, and he sees that she’s trying to stop herself crying so she can speak. He rubs her back in gentle circles, trying to soothe her. Finally she says, in an unsteady voice, “I know. I’m sorry I was so mean earlier. I just… Sometimes I get scared that I’m hurting you by being part of your life. That someday you’ll regret choosing to be with me.”

Her words echo his mother’s, that awful last day at the hospital. He tells her, sincerely, the same thing he told his mother. “Even if I regret it, my Ra-Im, you won’t get rid of me so easily. I’ll stick by you and share that regret with you for the rest of our lives.” As far as assurances go, it doesn’t sound too romantic, but Joo-won hopes she understands the meaning behind it. That he’s going to stick around for the good _and_ the bad. That he’s never going to let her go, no matter how bad things get.

He takes hold of her upper arms and grips her firmly. “Now you listen carefully to what I have to say,” Joo-won tells her. She looks up at him with wide, vulnerable eyes, and he knows that she’s paying attention. “There has never been a problem with us, with how we’ve felt for each other. All the unhappiness we’ve experienced has always been due to external circumstances and other people meddling with our lives. So from now on, the harder things get, I want us to cling even more tightly to each other. Do you understand?”

Ra-Im seems impressed by this forceful little speech. She nods slowly, then curls into him again. He hears the soft “okay” that she whispers into his coat. They stand like that for a while, holding each other in silence, breathing together in the warmth of the home they’ve created.

That night they make love with an aching tenderness that’s a far cry from their usual playful romps. When Joo-won slides deep into her, he keeps his gaze on Ra-Im’s, trying to tell her with his eyes what he can’t fully express in words. She surrenders completely to his forceful thrusts, giving herself over to him, body and soul, without any reservations. When she comes, she screams his name, and Joo-won thinks it may the best sound he’s ever heard in his life. He holds her close in the lingering aftermath, stroking her hair and sheltering her against the warmth of his body. He knows that they won’t ever be completely free from the sticks and stones that life will throw at them, but they’re together, and that will always be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Given the lengths to which Joo-won's mother went to keep them apart, and the hints of how "bad publicity" about their relationship could destroy Joo-won's career, I thought it would be interesting to explore some of the issues that would have arisen in their "happily ever after", and how they could have resolved them to emerge stronger. The story also gives Oska some room to play the part of the supportive brother/cousin to Joo-won, and it was a joy to revisit this character dynamic.


End file.
